I dont know what these people are talking about?

Every meeting I have had with my teachers they keep saying I’m more talkative then I was in 9th grade but I really don’t know what they are talking about. From what I see I’m more quiet and have with drawn from everyone at school. I mean at least in 9th grade I tryed to leave the house and do things with friends and I didn’t mind most of the people at my school. Now I hate most of the people at my school and I don’t even try to leave the house I just don’t want to if I leave the house to hang out with people I want to have fun and most of my friends here don’t get me I feel. Maybe I’m just payrnoided about them or somthing I don’t really know. The only people I feel get me or the friends that I met online that probally sounds bad but they know me beater then anyone here I still plan to go see them one day though I wish I could see alisha the only thing that stops us from being to gether is the distance I think she did admit that she dose like but we can’t be together because of how far she is from me. It’s not like Sandra ware she was like 40 mins away. That just kind of depresses me more and I could make a goal to meat her and stay there and be there with her but I know by the time I can go see her she will have found someone. I think I have also devolped panic attacks too im not really sure but there are nights ware I randomly just kind of start thinking about Sandra and I start thinking about her and her being with other guys and all the stuff she has lied to me about and what she has done and I have to hold on to my bed and I say bad place bad place bad place and I just have to get out of bed and talk to someone to get my mind off of her. The odd thing is that it never happend until I met her. I just don’t want her to know cause I don’t wan’t her to think im crazy. Its probally not a good idea that I might see her next weekend but I keep saying to my self that it wont happen witch it wont. It never dose somthing always happends and I dont get to go. I feel like I’m just a mess right now and I shouldn’t be. I’m almost done with high school and I’m going to be going to college next year I have to have things stright I can’t be alover the place like this. I mean I feel like the thing keeping me sane is my friends like @thevixy, kim and alisha. I feel like I should just take a week and just think about things just step away from the internet other then facebook and just think.