What is love anyway

I know I know every blog entery and every utter lattly is the same. Its just me bitching about sandra and you know what I dont like it. I feel like I have no life anymore. Not that I really had much of one before but at least for the most part I was happy. I had my down days but I was happy.

Just that I dont want to let sandra just go I feel like she is to vonrabal to things. I feel like im the only one in her life right now that will worrie and fight with her not to do somthings. Though yet really I want to just say for get her and not worrie. I get so close a lot of days to saying that but I dont because I love her and I want her to live and be happy as long as she can. She just dosnt have the right mind set about life. She has the mind set that I had about life before I met Carol witch was that I just wanted to live life and if I die then good riddins to me. After I met carol though my mind set completly changed.

Well and the other thing that bugs me is her Boy Friend Jay because she tells me everyday she loves me and yet she is back with him. I sent her an E-mail today that went a little like this

Hey Sandra I wanted to say this in an e-mail cause I was afrared I would forget what I wanted to say. So here it gose Lattly we have been fighting a lot and I know it may not seem like it but I don’t like fighting with you Sandra I hate it. It tares me apart when we fight. Part of the time its because Im trying to protect you from something like the party that we fought about and other times its just jellusy. It also is because of when you say you love me then your with another guy its not that I dout that you love me its I dout how much you love me. I really before could not exsplan how I feel but I think I kind of can tell you. What it is I don’t get is how can you look another guy in the eye and tell them you love them and mean it the same way you mean it to me. I cant say I have never tould another girl that I love them. Because I have I tell jen I love her all the time because she is really nice to me and she is always there for me but when I say it to here it’s a copletly different love than when I say it to you I could never at this point in time say to nother girl that I love her and mean it the same way as I do when I say it to you. So that’s what I don’t get I’m sry if this makes you made or what ever it makes you feel. But I do love you and I hope this lets you know how I feel and maybe you can do something about it.

and all she had to say was

I love you to an i always will love u an idk how i can really love to guys at once ik it is not right but it is like what happen before when i was still in love with jay an i dated u i still said i love u to both of u but nowit is jus the other way around an ik that u love me thats y i do not let u leave my life cuz i love u to an all but idk...

I just dont know my self anymore. I cant not talk to her but when I do talk to her I find out things that I dont want to know. I really think that if I lived there and I could see her on a daily bases things would be differnt I think me and her would still be together In the end I think that she dose love me but she wants some one there that can hold her and be with her and I cant cause I live to far away. I just feel like sometimes like Im being punished for something I can not control right now.

- Mike